It seems that all of us sports fans out there have been perpetuating a senseless tradition for generations that could have easily been dealt with if we'd only thought straight from the beginning. For generations we've been heckling referees whenever they messed up on the court. We've screamed, yelled, and stamped our feet--all the time overlooking the obvious solution--simply call the police and have the offending referee arrested!
This is exactly what happened in Oklahoma City a few weeks ago, according to an Associated Press report. Apparently Officer Eldridge Wyatt noticed a few things referee Stan Guffey seemingly didn't--namely, the violent battering of players by the opposing team. Officer Wyatt stepped onto the court during a time-out, no doubt to recommend to Guffey the name of a good optometrist. Wyatt had no sooner given his friendly advice, however, when Guffey informed him that he had no business being on the court. Wyatt didn't take much of a liking to this, as he then proceeded to push Guffey off the court, informing him that he was under arrest. Wyatt then escorted the criminal referee out of the gym and into an office where police met with game officials. No word yet on the fate of the outlaw referee, but since he was already dressed for the occasion, he is no doubt by now behind bars, awaiting execution.
This is a great day in sports history, as it marks the first time a referee has been arrested as a result of poor officiating. At long last we, the ordinary sports fans of America, are no longer defenseless against poor officiating. Now we have the power.
I can see it now: "POLICE APPREHEND FUGITIVE REFEREE," or "REF DIES AFTER GUN BATTLE WITH POLICE," or maybe, "JUDGE SENTENCES REF TO 60 YEARS OF OFFICIATING PEE-WEES." Yes, soon we'll have Ref-Bashing, public ref-lynching, and other "ref-reation" involving the public humiliation of referees.
Referees will, undoubtedly, become endangered species. We will say "goodbye" to the last of those human beings who had the uncanny ability to always be wrong every time they made a call. But while many of us sports fans would be glad to see the refs go, most of us would, by the same token, be sad once they had left. That is all of us, except for hockey fans. Yes, one can easily understand the frustration of having great fights constantly being interrupted by game play. However, the rest of us, would have to live with the fact that any competition, fair play, and rivalry that had previously been a part of the game had disappeared along with the officials.
The games we all loved going to see would be reduced to nothing more than a wild melee involving everyone present. Whoever had the most heavily armed fans would win. (The New Jersey Nets might actually have a "fighting" chance this season!) Without anyone to enforce the rules, we soon wouldn't have any rules period. And without any rules, we wouldn't have a game to play. All of us sports fans would be left to sit in an empty gym for two hours and stare at the floor. Hmmm . . . I hope those guys in Oklahoma haven't thrown away the key to that cell yet.