Good Not to Marry?
Many Christian singles struggle with the issue of what the Bible teaches on the subject of singleness. Complicating matters is a series of difficult biblical texts that have been interpreted in a variety of ways by biblical scholars. This week, we examine a chapter of Scripture that has been commonly applied to singles, found in Paul's first letter to the church in Corinth.
Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 7:1-9)
Here we have a text that shows Paul saying "it is good for a man not to marry." This is a commonly quoted and understood--or perhaps misunderstood--interpretation of this verse. Nowhere in the original text of this verse does Paul indicate marriage. The Greek phrase used here is translated literally, "it is good for a man not to touch a woman." While the NIV and other translations interpret this phrase to imply marriage, many biblical scholars disagree. Even those associated with the NIV translation concede that this phrase can also be rendered "it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." Given the phrase that is used and the context in which it appears, it is highly unlikely that Paul was referring to marriage.
Of course, one might rightly wonder then why Paul would use the word "good" as if to imply that sexual purity was somehow less than an absolute requirement. One possibility that appears quite plausible is that Paul was simply quoting a well-known saying or slogan familiar to the Corinthians as he begins to answer the questions that the church had written him about. In any event, it seems clear that the burden of proof belongs on the side of those who claim that Paul here is implying anything more than what he has said, literally, "it is good for a man not to touch a woman."
We see this same issue arise in verse 8, where the NIV renders the text "it is good for them [the unmarried and widows] to stay unmarried as I am." The NASB and NKJV omit the use of the word "unmarried" in keeping with the original Greek text which does not contain this word. Hence, a more literal translation would be "it is good for them to remain even as I" (1 Corinthians 7:8, NASB). Is this hermeneutical hair-splitting? Perhaps, if Paul was truly referring to marriage in this context. But there is another possibility here that seems equally plausible, namely that Paul was referring to his own sexual purity. This seems in keeping with the context of his urging the Corinthians to exercise self-control. So in other words, Paul might simply be saying in verse 8 that it is good for the unmarried and widows to remain sexually pure, just as he [Paul] had. Lacking the self-control to do so, Paul counsels that they should marry.
1 Corinthians 7:25-28 presents another interesting example where Paul appears to be counseling those who are unmarried (literally, "released from a woman") to remain so. In this context, however, Paul is providing an opinion, not a command (v. 25), that is given in the context of a specific event ("the present crisis," v. 26). It seems clear that Paul was not providing advice to be used in all situations, but one that was applicable during that particular period of time. In any event, Paul goes on to clearly state that those who do marry have not sinned (v. 28).
Moving ahead to verses 36-38, we encounter a more difficult debate. There are two basic interpretations of this passage. The first is that Paul here is referring to a man who is engaged to a woman (literally "virgin") but is struggling to maintain his sexual purity. Under this interpretation, Paul is advising the man to exercise self-control--if he can control his sexual drive, he should not marry. If he cannot, he should marry. The second interpretation of this passage is that Paul here is referring to the father of the virgin who is concerned because his child is "getting along in years" (literally, "past the bloom of youth.") In such a situation, it would be natural for the father to give away his daughter in marriage. Under this interpretation, Paul is advising the father not to act hastily in view of his assertion that remaining unmarried would be better in this situation. Having been forced to choose one interpretation or the other, the NASB translation has chosen the latter view and inserts the explanatory word "daughter" following each occurrence of "virgin." In contrast, the NIV has embraced the former view by default, recasting "virgin" to read "virgin he is engaged to," while adding a text note that provides the alternate interpretation. In either case, however, it is important to recognize that Paul is again speaking in the context of a specific case--either an engaged couple or a father with an aging daughter. His advice would not extend to those who are single and not engaged under either understanding of this passage.
Having carefully studied these passages, we draw the following conclusions:
Notably absent from our conclusions is any inference that singleness is either superior (or inferior) to marriage. Though some may wish to argue the point in terms of their own particular situation, such a conclusion simply cannot be sustained from the passages we have studied.
Choosing that "Right" Mate
Verses 39-40 provide some final advise to widows:
A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is--and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.
Here Paul again advises that a widow need not remarry, but nevertheless indicates that she is free to "marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord" (v. 39). This brings us to an important question concerning the free will that is given to believers in their choice of a mate. One of the stumbling blocks for singles can be the search for that "perfect match"--the so-called "soulmate" who has been uniquely prepared for them. Again, we must ask the question as to whether this view is biblical. Given what we learned in the previous "Knowing God's Will" series, along with Paul's counsel in this passage that widows are free to marry anyone they wish, we find no reason to conclude that there is one single person that an individual is "meant" to marry. In God's sovereignty, the one we choose becomes the "right one." This affirmation of God's sovereignty is not to negate our responsibility to engage in a wise decision making process, however. Indeed, we must seek God's wisdom (cf. James 1:5) in the exercise of our God-given freedom.
Part of this wisdom, it would seem, is the practice of Christians choosing their spouse only from among fellow believers. In verse 39, Paul seems to indicate that the widow's free choice should be tempered in this way. The text literally states that she may be free to marry whom she wishes, "only in [the] Lord." Notable here is the contrast between Paul's advice to widows here and the oft-quoted verse that would later appear in his second letter to the Corinthians:
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)
While this verse is commonly given as a proof-text denouncing the marriage of a Christian to an unbeliever, there is no indication whatsoever that Paul was referring to marriage in this context. This is not to invalidate the principle, as it can be clearly sustained apart from this particular verse. Again, the point is that we must allow the Bible to speak where it speaks and to remain silent where it is silent.
Purposeful Singleness
We conclude by returning to verses 29-35 of Paul's letter to the Corinthians:
What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away. I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs--how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world--how he can please his wife--and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world--how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:29-35)
Here we see Paul describing one of the primary benefits of singleness, namely, the fact that single people are able to fully dedicate themselves to pleasing God. This is not to elevate singleness over marriage, but rather, to point out a fundamental difference in the focus of those who are married vice those who are single. Understanding that "the time is short" (v. 29), Paul urges married people to live as though they were single, i.e., to focus on how they might please God. Clearly, Paul is not telling his readers to neglect or abandon their family responsibilities (cf. 1 Timothy 5:8); he is simply trying to remind married couples that their interests are naturally "divided."
The implication here is that the single person does not have to contend with "divided" interests because their heart is fully devoted to God. But sadly, many who are single live with "divided" interests--already consumed by the "affairs of this world." Living as a single person offers a unique opportunity for Christians to do what they cannot do when they are married. The goal of every single person should be to take advantage of this unique period of time--however long it may be--to live a life that is undivided in its concern for the things of God.
Therein we can discover a new life . . . of purposeful singleness.
Copyright © 1998-1999 Tim A. Krell. All rights reserved. Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version (NIV), Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers.
Scripture taken from the New American Standard Bible Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1971, 1973, 1975, and 1977 by the Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.